Category: Mindset

  • You always have a choice

    Preparing for a scary future

    Growing up, I have always been a scrawny kid who wasn’t fit and wasn’t naturally good at sports. I failed all my NAPFA tests… so as a Singaporean male (or young boy, at the time), the thought of NS (National Service — Singapore’s active conscription system) absolutely terrified me. Two years of tough physical training and regimentation sounded like hell to me.

    So when it came time to choose a CCA in secondary school when I was 13, I decided to join a uniformed group, specifically NPCC, to prepare myself for the inevitable. That was six full years before NS by the way… do you see how scared I was?

    Unsurprisingly, I dreaded early Saturday mornings (our NPCC training day), which were filled with exhausting physical exercises, group punishment push ups, marching drills under the hot sun, and getting shouted at by our commanders. It wasn’t fun. I’m not sure what exactly kept me going, but I persevered. Maybe going through hardships with my fellow NPCC mates helped. Maybe I deeply wanted to get stronger through this experience.

    And luckily for me, those four years in NPCC worked. When NS finally came, all the drills, punishments, shouting… didn’t shock me. I realised that I could manage, even if I still didn’t enjoy it.

    Paying attention to what mattered to me

    That dislike for the regimental lifestyle also gave me clarity. I knew I didn’t want to be a leader, or take on more responsibilities as a specialist or officer. During BMT, I told my commander honestly during one of those required interview sessions that I preferred to just be a “man” (i.e. a regular soldier). He seemed to understand and took note.

    After BMT, I got what I wanted and was sent to a unit as a “man” and assigned a role. I didn’t love the work, but I did it dutifully.

    Over time, something else started catching my attention. I noticed how many things in my unit camp were, well, badly designed. Slides, posters, videos, certificates… you name it. As someone trained in design (and who loves designing), it really bothered me. One day, not sure what got into me, I decided to approach my commander and express my desire to work on and help improve our unit’s visual materials. 

    After some consideration, he said yes, on the condition that I kept up with my assigned duties. I gave him my word.

    From that moment, the way I experienced NS began to shift. Design work requests started coming in from all over camp. At first, I used a shared desktop to do the work. Later, the workload became so heavy that I was even provided my own laptop so I could use a proper design software and have internet access. That kind of access to resources was unheard of for a regular soldier, by the way!

    Since they couldn’t offer me more pay, commanders occasionally gave me off days in recognition of my work. That was an amazing bonus, because it meant I could do what I love in camp and also spend less time in camp! That made a huge difference. I was still doing the army-related work, and yet I had more autonomy and freedom than I could ever imagine.

    With more free time, I also kept working on my fitness and eventually scored my first Gold in IPPT. That was a milestone I never thought I’d hit.

    By the end of NS, I wasn’t just surviving. I was thriving in my own way by focusing on what mattered to me.

    Awareness leads to choice

    The biggest lesson I took away from this is that no matter what happens, you always have a choice. Even in a situation like NS where so much feels out of your hands, you can still choose how you respond, how you show up, and how you shape your experience.

    I chose to prepare for NS in advance, when I joined NPCC.

    I chose to be honest about not wanting to lead at the beginning of NS.

    I chose to offer my design skills and take initiative to contribute in a way that felt aligned during NS.

    But none of that would have been possible without self-awareness. Before we can make meaningful choices, we need to know what we want, what we don’t want, what energises us, and what drains us. That awareness is what makes choice possible.

    Of course, things could have gone differently. But I’m proud that I tried. If I hadn’t, I might have spent those two years miserable, bitter, and resigned. And that would have been a choice too.

    So, what choice are you making today?

    This post was first published on Substack.

  • Expectation vs Intention

    Sometimes, I meet people who constantly feel all sorts of things about the people around them or the situations they experience.

    “They’re so stupid!! Ughhh.”

    “(So and so) is such a brilliant lifesaver.”

    “Gosh, this person lives in their own silly bubble.”

    “I really like how they think.”

    “Meh, these people are useless.”

    These are, of course, opinions, not facts. Opinions say far more about the person expressing them than about the object they are judging. People’s likes and dislikes are simply reflections of their personal boundaries rather than the inherent quality of whatever or whomever they are judging. Specifically, I think this has a lot to do with the Expectations people hold in their minds.

    Expectation defines your perception

    When you have an Expectation, you assume that things should happen a certain way, or that people should behave in a particular manner. You anticipate specific outcomes, which are usually external circumstances outside of your control. When those expectations aren’t met, frustration and disappointment often follow.

    For example, when you’re working towards something important to you, anything/anyone that doesn’t align with your goal might feel like an obstacle, or even a waste of time. Think of the times when you’ve been rushing to work, expecting your journey should be smooth so that you can arrive on time, only to be slowed down by people walking at a leisurely pace in front of you. How did you feel towards them? What words might have run through your mind?

    Now, imagine instead that you were out for a relaxed stroll, simply enjoying your surroundings. How differently would you have felt about those same slow walkers?

    Whether we like it or not, and whether we are conscious of it or not, we all hold Expectations. There’s nothing inherently right or wrong, or good or bad about this — it’s just part of how we navigate life.

    But Expectations aren’t the only way to orient ourselves. What if, instead, we focused on our Intention rather than our Expectation?

    Intention defines your direction

    When you act with Intention, you are internally driven. You care about the direction you are moving towards, rather than a fixed outcome. An Intention shapes your approach, your mindset, and your presence in the process. It keeps you focused on how you want to show up, regardless of what happens externally or the outcome.

    Here are some examples of Intentions:

    “I intend to explore and experiment with ways to make this project work.”

    “I intend to be present and engaged in this conversation.”

    “I intend to express and share what I know with the students.”

    “I intend to take care of my body in my day-to-day life.”

    Managing both in different contexts

    Rather than viewing Expectations as something to eliminate entirely, we can learn to be aware of when they serve us and when they hinder us.

    Expectations, when clearly conveyed, can be useful when they provide structure, set clear standards, or help us uphold boundaries and accountability. But when they become rigid — especially when they are tied to things beyond our control — they can lead to unnecessary frustration, resentment, or judgment.

    Intentions, on the other hand, keep us grounded in the present and connected to what truly matters to us. They remind us that while we cannot always control external circumstances, we can always choose our attitude, our effort, and the way we show up. By focusing on our Intention, we cultivate resilience and adaptability, allowing us to engage with life more openly rather than being trapped by unmet Expectations.

    The key is knowing when to lean on each (which requires practice!). If you find yourself feeling resentful, frustrated, or overly critical, it may be a sign that an Expectation is running the show. In those moments, shifting your focus back to Intention can bring some clarity and relief. On the other hand, when you need structure, standards, or accountability, setting Expectations can be incredibly useful.

    Ultimately, life is a dance between the two. The art is in knowing when to hold an Expectation, and when to let an Intention lead instead.

    Expectation defines perception.

    Intention defines direction.

    How will you choose to write your life story with both?

  • The great power of consistent small actions

    When thinking about going back in time, people worry that doing something small in the past could radically change the present.

    But few people consider that doing something small in the present could radically change the future.

    There is great compounding power in the small things you do, and the small choices you make today, and everyday.

    What’s the smallest action you can take towards your desired future today?

  • Choose better stories to tell yourself

    The narratives you create about yourself and the world determine how you perceive reality, how you feel, and how you act.

    These narratives on your mind may be shaped by family upbringing, knowledge instilled from childhood, dogmatic beliefs, traumatic experiences, etc.

    Here’s a few examples of unhelpful narratives that people can have:

    • I’m not good enough
    • Nothing ever goes my way
    • People are out to hurt me
    • I’m too inexperienced / too old / too (adjective) to do ____
    • If my loved ones do ____, it means that they don’t love me

    If a person holds on to unhelpful narratives, it can lead to feelings of insecurity, negativity, hopelessness, hurt, self-doubt, and disappointment.

    People may also unknowingly look for signs and evidence to reinforce their narratives, and take actions that end up being self-fulfilling prophecies.

    Unhelpful narratives greatly limit a person’s life and growth.

    You have the power and responsibility to change the narratives that are not serving you.

    While you have no control over how people think, what they do, what shows up on the internet, etc, you have control over your thoughts, your choices, your actions, your words and how your spend your time.

    Steps to change the story you tell yourself:

    1. Catch yourself in the act: Gain awareness and recognise self-limiting stories whenever they pop up.

    2. Analyse the story: Ask yourself — Where did it come from? Is it helpful? Is it even true?

    3. Choose a better story: For every story you have for why you can’t do something, there’s another one you can tell yourself for why you can. Find that story and hold on to it. Encouraging words from someone you respect is a good starting point.

    4. Install the new story: Practise telling yourself this new story at key moments until they become automatic. When you hear the old story pop up, tell yourself “I hear you. But now, I have this other story…”

    Here’s a few examples of positive narratives to counter unhelpful narratives:

    • I am capable and deserving of success
    • Every challenge is an opportunity to learn and grow
    • I trust and have faith in myself and others
    • I have the power to create the life I want. My traits do not define me.
    • I am worthy of love and I love myself. Other people’s actions and words don’t define my worth.

    Change the story in your head, and you can change your world outside of it.

    Sure, it’s easier said than done.

    But it’s definitely a skill worth practising.