Sometimes, I meet people who constantly feel all sorts of things about the people around them or the situations they experience.
“They’re so stupid!! Ughhh.”
“(So and so) is such a brilliant lifesaver.”
“Gosh, this person lives in their own silly bubble.”
“I really like how they think.”
“Meh, these people are useless.”
These are, of course, opinions, not facts. Opinions say far more about the person expressing them than about the object they are judging. People’s likes and dislikes are simply reflections of their personal boundaries rather than the inherent quality of whatever or whomever they are judging. Specifically, I think this has a lot to do with the Expectations people hold in their minds.
Expectation defines your perception
When you have an Expectation, you assume that things should happen a certain way, or that people should behave in a particular manner. You anticipate specific outcomes, which are usually external circumstances outside of your control. When those expectations aren’t met, frustration and disappointment often follow.
For example, when you’re working towards something important to you, anything/anyone that doesn’t align with your goal might feel like an obstacle, or even a waste of time. Think of the times when you’ve been rushing to work, expecting your journey should be smooth so that you can arrive on time, only to be slowed down by people walking at a leisurely pace in front of you. How did you feel towards them? What words might have run through your mind?
Now, imagine instead that you were out for a relaxed stroll, simply enjoying your surroundings. How differently would you have felt about those same slow walkers?
Whether we like it or not, and whether we are conscious of it or not, we all hold Expectations. There’s nothing inherently right or wrong, or good or bad about this — it’s just part of how we navigate life.
But Expectations aren’t the only way to orient ourselves. What if, instead, we focused on our Intention rather than our Expectation?
Intention defines your direction
When you act with Intention, you are internally driven. You care about the direction you are moving towards, rather than a fixed outcome. An Intention shapes your approach, your mindset, and your presence in the process. It keeps you focused on how you want to show up, regardless of what happens externally or the outcome.
Here are some examples of Intentions:
“I intend to explore and experiment with ways to make this project work.”
“I intend to be present and engaged in this conversation.”
“I intend to express and share what I know with the students.”
“I intend to take care of my body in my day-to-day life.”
Managing both in different contexts
Rather than viewing Expectations as something to eliminate entirely, we can learn to be aware of when they serve us and when they hinder us.
Expectations, when clearly conveyed, can be useful when they provide structure, set clear standards, or help us uphold boundaries and accountability. But when they become rigid — especially when they are tied to things beyond our control — they can lead to unnecessary frustration, resentment, or judgment.
Intentions, on the other hand, keep us grounded in the present and connected to what truly matters to us. They remind us that while we cannot always control external circumstances, we can always choose our attitude, our effort, and the way we show up. By focusing on our Intention, we cultivate resilience and adaptability, allowing us to engage with life more openly rather than being trapped by unmet Expectations.
The key is knowing when to lean on each (which requires practice!). If you find yourself feeling resentful, frustrated, or overly critical, it may be a sign that an Expectation is running the show. In those moments, shifting your focus back to Intention can bring some clarity and relief. On the other hand, when you need structure, standards, or accountability, setting Expectations can be incredibly useful.
Ultimately, life is a dance between the two. The art is in knowing when to hold an Expectation, and when to let an Intention lead instead.
Expectation defines perception.
Intention defines direction.
How will you choose to write your life story with both?
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